Menopause, Motherhood Guilt & Losing a Business at 50

Mantra 1: “I am not broken. I am becoming.”

At fifty, my world collapsed like a house of cards in a storm.During Covid, the business I had poured every ounce of love, time, and money into crumbled overnight. Years of sacrifice—gone. I wasn’t simply shutting doors; I was saying goodbye to the staff who had become family, to the friends who would now look at me with that subtle so-what-happened tilt of the head. Twelve employees—twelve livelihoods—were suddenly no longer under my care. I felt as if I had failed them all.

At the same time, I was packing up my home once again, a transient life replaying itself when all I craved was roots. Menopause had just announced itself like a thief in the night: no hot flashes, but a searing inner burn—anger flaring one moment, floods of tears the next. My memory betrayed me daily, words slipping like water through my fingers.

And then came the gut. A relentless, chronic leaky-gut syndrome that would last two years, a silent scream from my body as if to say, You cannot outrun this pain.

Mantra 2: “My child’s challenges are not my fault—and I am still the perfect mother for him.”

Amid this chaos, my beautiful son received a new diagnosis—sensory processing disorder with three forms of dyslexia. Science insists it’s neurological, not parenting, yet guilt snared me like barbed wire. What did I miss? What did I cause?

I was 49 when I gave birth to him, already rewriting society’s script about “age-appropriate motherhood.” Instead of preparing for retirement, I was still raiding the future to raise a child. The weight of responsibility pressed so hard it felt hard to breathe.

The Silent Storm of Menopause

Perimenopause is more than biology; it’s a biochemical earthquake. Estrogen dips can sabotage serotonin and dopamine—the very chemicals that stabilize mood. The outside world couldn’t see it, but inside was grief without a grave.

Science says any single stressor—job loss, caregiving, major life change—can triple the risk of depression. I was living all of them at once.

Mantra 3: “Hormones shift, but my worth is constant.”

Still, there were deeper wounds.The shame of financial loss. The humiliation of admitting to friends that the business was gone. Money I had invested for security had vanished, and instead of slowing down, I faced a horizon of uncertainty. Starting over at fifty felt impossible. My energy was ash.

There were nights I lay on the floor of my nearly empty living room, the cold tile under my cheek, wondering if I’d ever rise with purpose again.

The Turning Point

One morning—bleary-eyed, stomach still rebelling—I reached for my phone and saw a quote I’d saved months earlier: Discipline is destiny. It stopped me.

Something in me whispered: If you can take one brave step today, you can take another tomorrow.

That single whisper became a plan.

I sought a life coach.Then, almost by accident, I signed up to retrain as a life coach myself through Jay Shetty’s school. Coaching while being coached—discipline and manifestation braided together—became my lifeline. I began to rebuild my inner architecture: daily meditation, mindful breathing, journaling. Neuroplasticity research says tiny, repeated actions rewire the brain. I was living proof.

And when conventional medicine failed my gut, I followed a quiet intuition to a kinesiologist. Two sessions later, the healing began—the relief so swift it felt like a miracle after years of pain.

Mantra 4: “The end of one chapter is the blueprint for the next.”

I replaced self-punishment with self-compassion.I traded accumulation for contribution.Community for isolation.I learned that serving others lights a fire that no financial statement can extinguish.

Rising From the Ashes

Today, I coach women who, like me, are told they are “too old” to begin again. I tell them: You are not late. You are not finished.

Yes, there were days when I was on my knees—furious, sobbing, terrified. But there were also moments of breathtaking clarity: a sunrise after a sleepless night, the quiet strength in my son’s smile, the knowledge that resilience is not a personality trait; it’s a muscle.

Mantra 5: “One step. One breath. One brave act today.”

If you’re a woman over fifty staring down menopause, a child’s diagnosis, or the rubble of a lost business, hear me:

Your worth is not tied to a hot flush, a profit margin, or a perfect memory.Your future is not cancelled because a door slammed shut.

You are not broken.You are becoming.

Aj Philp (MA)

Global Empowerment Coach, NLP Practitioner & Hypnotist