Behind Closed Doors: The Truth About Divorce, Violence, and the Silence We’re Taught to Keep

People often assume that violence has a certain “look.” They imagine bruises, screaming, chaos you can see from the outside. But some of the most dangerous violence happens in silence, behind closed doors, behind polite smiles, behind the façade of a “strong woman.”

I know this because I lived it.

For years, I put up and shut up. I learned to swallow my fear, disguise my pain, and pretend everything was fine. And the world let me , because I came across as confident, capable, and grounded. In people’s eyes, I was the strong one. So strong, in fact, that when things went wrong, they assumed my husband must be the victim.

After all, that was the story he told them.And people love a story that fits neatly into what they already believe.

His first wife had “walked all over him,” so of course his second wife must be the problem too. They didn’t see what happened when the doors closed. They didn’t see the verbal attacks, the rage, the fear, the house smashing, the moment he spat in my face. They didn’t see the slow erosion of my boundaries, my self-worth, my identity.

They didn’t see me.

And because he had painted himself as the wounded innocent man, when I finally walked away, I didn’t just leave my marriage, I left my friends too.He had turned them into spectators applauding the wrong person.

But here’s the thing about walking away:Sometimes you have to lose the life you had to gain the life you deserve.

The Woman I Was During the Marriage

During that marriage, I was obese.I was grateful he “loved me.”I thought that having someone, anyone, made me valuable.That I should be thankful he tolerated me.

And this mindset is exactly why so many women stay.Not because they’re weak.Not because they want to.But because they believe they don’t deserve better, or that better doesn’t exist.

Violence doesn’t always start with fists.It starts with conditioning.With minimising your needs.With making you believe you’re lucky someone chose you at all.

That was me.

The Day I Walked — The Day I Began Again

Leaving him was terrifying.Leaving the people who believed his lies was painful.But leaving the version of myself who thought she was never enough, that was the hardest part of all.

And the most liberating.

When the dust settled, something shifted.Something in me woke up.

Once I was out of that toxicity, I began reclaiming myself, piece by piece.

I went back to university.I got a degree.I lost 140 pounds.I rebuilt my confidence.I rebuilt my peace.I rebuilt me.

My divorce didn’t break me.It birthed me.

Divorce Can Be the Doorway to Freedom

I’m not glorifying pain.I’m honouring transformation.

Divorce is brutal.It rips you open.It forces you to face everything you’ve avoided.It dismantles your identity.It shakes the life you thought you were supposed to live.

But it also gives you a chance to choose again.To breathe again.To return to yourself , or to discover yourself for the first time.

And if you’re reading this and any part of your story feels familiar…If you’re living behind a closed door that hides the truth…If the world thinks you’re “too strong” to be mistreated…If you’re terrified of walking away...

Please hear this:You are not alone.You are not weak.And you do not have to do it alone.

How I Help Women Through This Journey

Today, as a coach, I guide women through the same darkness I once lived in.I help them find their courage, their clarity, and their next step.I help them break the silence, navigate the fear, and rebuild their sense of self.I help them transform their lives, not just survive them.

Because I’ve been where you are.I know how hard it is to leave.I know how confusing it is to start again.And I know how glorious life can become once you do.

Divorce was terrifying. Divorce was destructive. Divorce was the death of the woman I used to be.

But it was also the birth of the woman I became.

And if you’re ready, or even if you’re just thinking about being ready, I’m here to walk beside you.

You don’t have to put up and shut up anymore. You don’t have to hide your pain behind strength. You can choose yourself. And I can help you every step of the way.